Page 26 - Centrum Dialogu im. Marka Edelmana w Łodzi - Human Library 2018

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A man who was a drug addict used to call himself a junkie, now
he calls himself a human. Let’s get on with the first question: why
was I using? The answer is simple – loneliness. I couldn’t deal with
the fact that certain people were no longer around. Sudden death
combined with yet another break-up and lack of support made
me want to dissociate, and drugs provided a way to do so. After
a few years, they would feed this hunger I started feeling. I was
running away from loneliness, making myself at home in it at the
same time. In the end, I was afraid of everything. I’ll tell you about
my trip to the store, to get some buns. For you, it’s just an ordinary
everyday activity, but for me, back then, it was a nightmare. Com-
parable to climbing, maybe not the Himalayas, but definitely the
Alps. I can’t say I’m not scared anymore, because I am. I don’t
want to be scared, but the more I don’t want to be, the more I am.
I’d like to confront the past so that it becomes the norm for me.
I’d like to tame what is and what was inside of me. I’m not afraid
of meeting you here, and that’s where I contradict everything I’ve
written. I’d like us to verify our surroundings, to use this meeting to
get to know each other and ourselves. I don’t know who I am.

PS. Ask me about Błażej so as not to miss the story.

PPS. I’m reading Milan Kundera.